Later this month I will have been writing here on this blog for two years. Two years!
It has been two years of sharing my thoughts, my views, my family, my experiences and my food. It has provided me with a space in which to express myself and to interact with others. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the opportunities I’ve had and the connections I’ve made with others and everything I have learned along the way. And I am continuously humbled by the fact that all of you are out there, reading the things I have to say. I appreciate each and every one of you so very much.
But, you know what? I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.
And after several years of wanting to, but never finding the time, I finally started meditating.
You see, over the past several months I have found myself rushing around every single day with an overwhelming sense of anxiousness and urgency. Like, no matter what I do, I can’t catch up. There’s always something I need to be doing.
It is exhausting.
And I’ve realized that while I am the type of person that likes to be busy, I just don’t want to be this busy anymore.
Life is way to short to be this busy. I have an incredibly awesome family with two sons that are at this really fun age that I want to be present for before they are way too cool for their mom. I have an amazing husband who always seems to get whatever time is leftover, if there is any. Why should the most important things in my life become less of a priority because there is too much other “stuff” to do? Why should I feel like I never have time to do all (or even just some!) of the things I want to do? Why can’t I ever just be?
Something’s gotta give.
As much as I love blogging and sharing my ideas and knowledge in an attempt to make a difference, no matter how small, I have decided to take a break from blogging. I’ve noticed a severe decline in the quality of my posts lately, and with it some of the enjoyment I previously experienced in creating them. I’ve never been good at finding the middle ground between all or nothing, so for now, I am giving myself the gift of time by freeing up a lot of my “spare” time formerly spent on blogging. It may not seem like it, but I put a lot of time into this thing. From creating recipes, photographing them, editing photos, writing and sometimes researching, it has been almost a full time job for me. A full time job that I am not getting paid for. (It is SO not about the money though.)
I don’t quite know yet if this will be a permanent pause or a temporary one. But I do know that it is the right decision for me. Once I made the decision in my mind several days ago, I felt like a heavy load was lifted from my shoulders.
Yesterday I met Erik for lunch. And we talked. And I was totally present and enjoyed every second. And every bite.
The night before I got up from the dinner table and sat on the family room floor to play Uno with my boys. And we laughed. And they ganged up on me and I lost.
I want more of these experiences.
I want to cook from and delight in the thousands of beautiful recipes in the cookbooks lining my shelves and the many I have bookmarked on my computer.
I want to explore other creative outlets and different types of photography, different types of learning.
I want to actually do some of the projects I have pinned on Pinterest.
I want less time sitting at the computer.
I want to read more books.
I want to dedicate more energy to my sons’ school and help make it a better place for our kids.
I want to enjoy the holidays without a sense of urgency. Without the rush.
I want to give back to my community.
I want to sometimes just sit and be still and enjoy the calm. I want to be present and not always thinking about what’s next.
I want to drink a full cup of tea before it gets cold.
I want to be spontaneous.
I want to do so many things. So many other things. Things that don’t always involve food or physical health.
Who knows, I may find myself missing it terribly in a few weeks or months, and may resume blogging at some point, eventually. So, I am not saying goodbye forever.
I am merely pressing pause.